You know the expression, when life gives you lemons make lemonade, I can personally tell you that its complete bullshit, you better sell those lemons and get something useful. After analyzing my life of 5 years, I can say nothing I wanted to complete has come through. I feel like I wasted 4 years in college getting a major that I love but struggled to get, only to realize I cannot get any job, and come back home. And I know if I don’t make big moves and be proactive I can never see any results but I feel like I’m at this twisted crossroad in my life where I am uncertain what my next step is. Do I see myself sitting around a microscope for the rest of my life or working with a criminal drug lord making some dope ass meth!! Honestly I would definitely have more fun with the drug lord but that would mean having a possible life span up to age 35 , it still doesn’t sound like the bad end of the stick. To be stuck back in my parent’s house I feel like I am moving backwards with my life. Friends in which I had before I no longer relate with and don’t feel like making the extra effort to mend bridges. Sha-Rih is now a lone ranger, I am almost certain that’s a sign of depression. Hopefully this does not consume me because that’s not my personality. Being home, I can feel the woman I have grown to become slipping away. The individual I’ve defined myself to be is slowly becoming a distant memory. My free-spirited self is becoming a hermit to my now overwhelming emotions and problems.
I know this is a weird thing to do but I imagine what my funeral would be like on many occasions. I do this not thinking that I had any intention of dying today or soon but lets be real death is inevitable. We all die at some point in life and whether I make it to a century or just next week best believe I am going to live these moments with no regrets. But since I am in this static moment in my life I do worry about what my contribution to the world will be. And I guess this would be the perfect spot to insert the purpose of faith or having faith in something higher and then everything will work out and fall into place. And though there is nothing wrong with having faith I am also a woman of science. I am realist, this path I’ve outline for myself is diverging to something new. Am I sacred?? MOST DEFINITELY! But I am also hopeful that everything will work out for the best.