So I wanted to do a post to just talk about accepting oneself. Many of us fall victims to trying to fit into expectations set by society and feel that we need to change who we are just to feel like we belong. It’s very sad that we cant just be ourselves without any prosecution from friends or family. Its one thing to have random people bring you down but its another thing to feel like your friends and family don’t have your back. I’ve had friends that have committed suicide😔 because they’ve had no strong support group and really dealing with some inner issues about how they’ve perceived themselves. But for everyone that is self-conscious about who you are and think there’s nothing to live for just know I LOVE YOU! And you are probably wondering who is this 23 year old Jamaican girl that thinks she knows what I’m going through. And you are probably right! I don’t know your situation but I am seriously here for anyone that’s going through something they are struggling to handle themselves.
I’ve always considered myself to have a high self-esteem. I tend to be confident about who I am as a person but some days I can feel my inner demons surface and I’m bombarded with harsh phrases I’ve heard people, friends or family say about me. And yes, I said friends and family! My friends and family, they are as blunt as it gets! These people just keep it real all the time. I know they love me but sometimes words really hurt.
I’ve been struggling with my body image for a few years now. I use to swim competitively for literally most of my life🏊. Since I was a little tot I use to just enjoy being in the water. You know when they say you’ll gain freshman15 during college, I definitely multiplied that by 4 and got freshman60. I’m not a big eater but when exam time rolled around I would stress eat. I came home after my sophomore year and my mom basically dragged my soul. The series of fat jokes I got that summer really hurt me. So I decided to start a work out regime but I wasn’t losing the weight at all. I was at a breaking point where I wished I was bulimic. So I went to a doctor and found out I had mild POCs.
Its called Polycystic ovary syndrome which is an hormonal disorder causing enlarged ovaries that accumulates tiny cysts.
So along with all the other crap that come with POCS, insulin regulation was really affecting how my body was breaking down sugar. Now, I’ve altered my diet and trying to implement a stable exercise regime ( I will share my tips in a next post). But the process is slow and though this is apart of who am, I am at this point in just accepting that this is me.
I’ve seen girls so conscious about their body image do plastic surgery trying to fix something that makes them unique, all because they are told how they look now is unattractive. Lip injections. Breast implants. Tummy tucks. Butt Lifts. And don’t think this post was in anyway created to make anyone who’ve done these procedures feel guilty as sometimes its for medical reasons but many are cosmetic related and strongly stem because of what is considered the societal norm. Right now, the hour glass figure seems to be the most desired body look. But,a few years back it was all about ranging in a size 0-4. There is also the fit journey everyone is now on (Exercise is good, I have nothing against that). I think the situation becomes an issue when persons are ashamed of who they are. Whether I’m fat or slim, I need to look back and can say I loved myself either way.
I’ve been told I’m too dark, that I can personally tell you I don’t give a fuck what you think about my complexion. LET ME REPEAT MYSELF! I DONT GIVE TWO FUCKS!! I AM BLACK AND BEAUTIFUL! Anyone that doesn’t like it can have a seat💺. I’ve seen too many people bleaching trying to erase what I think is beautiful. Like no matter what complexion🎨you are, you are beautiful!
So for anyone that took the time to read this 🙂 Do what makes you happy, don’t feel pressured to change yourself because of what someone else thinks or says! because at the end of the day you can only truly love yourself😘😘.