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Why do I always feel like I’m playing in a mental Olympics when I am faced with this question. Half the time I wish it was simple to just answer the question with a yes or no. But it’s not always that easy. Sometimes I got to throw in the maybe and that’s when stuff end up being complicated.

My friend recently diagnosed me as an unconscious flirt. Like wtf?! Apparently my niceness can be mistaken as flirting. She knows and can tell that I am not flirting but for the guy or bystander it wouldn’t appear that way. If this is not a curse I don’t know what else is, because I am the most awkward person when I  actually like a guy. Don’t even get me started on when I attempt to actually flirt, its like watching a car accident in slow-mo. I have a serious case of word vomit, followed by the realization that I am talking too much which then comes with the awkward silence. I am literally cringing thinking about how much my flirting actually sucks. There will be  times when I get like really shy, and that in no way reflects my outgoing personality. That’s when you know I really like a guy, when I’ve just eliminated the verbal diarrhea stage and went straight to shy.

So this week, apparently I used my unconscious flirting on 3 guys because how they obtained my phone number will remain a mystery. I think one of them just legit stalked me. Two of the guys I met on the weekend, they are both friends so I know my friend probably gave them my number. For them its a competition to see who can sleep with me. The other guy I literally worked with twice this week. We were always in a professional setting so I am trying to wonder when I offered him a stick of gum if it came off flirty. I don’t know!

Today I met up with one of the guys that I met on the weekend. Lets call him J and call the other friend R. So J decided to take me to get frozen yogurt. Last night I had a long conversation letting him know the flirting is cool but I need to get to know you. [not the biblical version].I was currently in the maybe section of the do you like me question. I am not the easiest person to like a guy especially after all the bs I’ve been through. I was ready to go interrogation style on him over froyo lol. He picks me up and he’s like a completely different person via text. He had all that tough talk but was so distant and quiet. Definitely the first red flag. R calls his phone and ask if he wanted to hang out later and he said he was going to be busy later. This is after 4pm and R wants to chill around 7pm, the level of confidence he was experiencing was through the roof. Anyways, the whole ride he was quiet and I was pretty much selecting music I wanted to hear. Get to the froyo place and he’s like can I kiss you. Like really dude??! Can I at least get wined and dined first. I don’t know what deluded connection he’s going off or whether he’s still trying to get lucky. I shut down that request quick. So you would think that was going to be the awkward part of the date. Get to the cash register to pay and he goes “will I get laid if I pay for this?”. My death stare should have been registered lethal because I was just waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop up, cause this must be an episode of Punk’d. “I don’t just give women anything free and get nothing in return”. I have this defense mechanism, in which I just smile to avoid myself from being physical. And I turned and said calmly, ‘you don’t have to take me home, I’ll take a cab’. I was hoping he would just let it go. He proceeds to say, “R can have you, maybe he will have better luck”. He literally flipped the script on me. I don’t take disrespect so my pettiness was activated. Let’s just say his windscreen enjoyed my froyo artwork.

I am literally the nicest person and yet I end up talking to a-holes. Its like what did I do in a past life to deserve this sort of abuse.


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