I am a dreamer! Both literally and figuratively! I like to look at the bigger picture and think how can I contribute to making the world a better place. So I drown myself in a lot of volunteer work. But when it comes to my own personal dreams, I’m unable to see the set path ahead. I have such a strong passion for so many things in life, I wish I could find joy in one thing and stick with it. Ever since I was a child, I remember wanting to be a doctor so I could help people. But as I got older, I am beginning to wonder if that was actually my dream or if this was a discipline I admired and appreciated. My parents had drove this dream for most of my life as well. Don’t get me wrong, I do still love the sciences. But I can’t see myself sitting in a lab under microscope doing research. I am also not a cold calculated person that can make rash decisions or deal with the death of a patient. I am the type of person that needs to be around life and constantly interacting with people. By the way, I don’t think all doctors are cold, but personally I don’t have the physical strength to give someone bad news. I would definitely become emotionally attached and I need to have a level of detach. So I turned to pharmaceuticals to avoid that emotional conflict. Do I love what I am doing? I honestly don’t know. But money needs to be made as food and bills need to be paid.
I have an over-active imagination, I don’t know if its like a mild ADHD but I tend to drift into my own thoughts. This makes it super difficult for me to go to bed at nights. My mind is on a constant overdrive so even when I am sleepy its hard for me to go in sleep mode. Tumblr definitely does not help! I have an average of 3 dreams per week. My unconscious mind seems to be on this elaborate journey, as my dreams are the craziest. I probably should start sharing them on here. ‘Dreams are succession of images, ideas. emotions and sensations that occur usually involuntarily in the mind…’. All my dreams follow a specific pattern, search for love and the supernatural. The search for love is obvious since I have a non-existent love life. But the supernatural part I haven’t quite figured out.
How could I forget the daydreams. They tend to happen in the forms of scribbles. I went to brunch with some friends after church. They are an older crowd and they were all talking about a topic I wasn’t interested in participating. It doesn’t take me long for me to drift into my own world especially if I have pen and paper. Took the waitress 15 mins max to bring the food.
While scribbling I was already thinking about a deep thought; the scribble above was motivated by the idea of depression. Being locked in the darkness, along with the coked-out head being a zombie to its state of mind. [P.S. These are really scribbles and not drawings. Anime characters I draw, everything else are scribbles.] The guy sitting beside me was in shock the whole time as I was just lost in my own world. All my scribbles have meaning to them. There is some idea or thought driving whatever I am scribbling. Yeah I am definitely a weirdo lol , but I like to think I am a lost unicorn. I snapped out as soon as the food came. Bacon and waffles was all it took lol.
Though I am dreamer which makes me have the occasional short attention span and an extremely indecisive, weirdo with an elaborate imagination, I wouldn’t change anything about myself.
-Sha-rih The Nephilim