So I’ve previously stated that I am a social media addict. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I reach for on my bed is my phone. Spend like 30-45 minutes just chilling in the bed and scrolling through Instagram and Twitter. So during today’s daily scrolling I saw the hashtag #happybirthdaypaulwalker. And I want to share the first time I became addicted with everything Paul Walker.
So I grew up a full on tomboy! I spent most of my days playing power ranger with the neighborhood boys, being my brother’s personal WWE punch bag, climbing trees and catching lizards, playing video games and collecting Pokémon cards. The only time I actually looked like an innocent little girl was at church. I had little appeal to liking guys, I just saw them as one of my guy friends. So anyways I was in grade 3 or 4 the first time I watched Fast and the Furious. It was weird because I remember I was suppose to watch some kiddie movie with my brother and he snuck me in with his friends to watch this movie at the cinema. I promise you! that when Paul Walker came on the screen it was love at first sight. Its like something in me snapped and I saw the male species in a whole new light! Can you imagine this little black girl crushing hard on a white guy? I was called an Oreo for a long time just because of that. But I did not give two fucks. Like I was crushing hard! I didn’t believe in Santa but my ass was writing letters asking if I could meet Paul in real life. Jesus heard from me daily! I had watched every movie he had ever done at the time. I convinced myself that I was going to marry him. I remember I told my sister that even when he was old and wrinkly I was going to be his wife. I was a crazy kid lol. Years passed and the obsession wasn’t as strong like when I was a kid. I had relationships with other guys and pretty much lived my life.
Thanksgiving 2013. My sister and I had driven to Kentucky to spend Thanksgiving weekend with my cousin. And its weird because I remember that Friday night, we were up watching Fast and Furious movies. I think a marathon was going on a Spike TV. I was popping jokes about how obsessed I was with Paul and that I still think we would get married. My sister was telling crazy stories about my crazy addiction, and how I had pictures of what our kids would look like. Honestly, I don’t remember that but knowing my crazy ass I probably did that lol. I had woken up really late that day. I wasn’t as obsessed with my phone back then. I think I was having a fight with this dude I was talking to, so I had no interest in even looking at my phone. I was in the kitchen, getting cereal when my sister said ‘omg! Shari! Paul is dead’. You know that feeling you get in airplanes when there is turbulence and the planes drops and so does your heart. Well I felt like my heart had permanently dropped and it wasn’t coming back up. I didn’t even acknowledge her, I grabbed up my laptop and checked news and social media. Paul Walker died November 30, 2013 in an explosive car accident. The stages of grief came hard and fast. First the denial and shock, I convinced myself it was a rumor, even though I had just read the news. I got dressed and went to the mall and refused to talk about it. The anger came in shortly that day as that’s all anyone would talk about. I convinced myself they were all lying and I was angry that they were telling these lies about his death. Depression followed that night as I literally cried myself to sleep. I don’t usually cry so I probably cried years of tears. I was pretty sad about it or even when people mentioned it. But I didn’t have full closure until Fast and Furious 7. And then I thought to myself, we can still get married, I’ll definitely get to meet him in heaven lol. [if I had any doubts about there being heaven, my psyche was now convinced there was a heaven😂😂]
You know it’s crazy, because Paul Walker wasn’t the only guy that I had a slight obsession over. I loved Omarion. Room was filled with his posters and had all his albums. But there was something about Paul Walker. I admired that he love doing charity work, his love for nature and marine life, the way he was not all up the media. He was just the realest and I think for me, that was his best quality. I wish I had gotten to meet him. But you will always be in my heart!💋💋