LIOG… Heartbreak β€οΈπŸ’”πŸ’™

I’ve always found it easy to detach myself emotionally from any relationship. I’ve watched my brother being an absolute player. Having multiple girls and using these girls. After seeing the pain that my brother caused some of these girls, I told myself I would never want to be ‘just another’ girl to a guy. So I’ve been good at keeping one foot out in a relationship. Break ups and cheating didn’t impact me because in my head I’m thinking ‘ok on to the next one’. I was doing a good job at being in a relationship without being fully invested, well until two summers ago when I experienced my first heartbreak. πŸ˜”

It was my first summer in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I was finally 21 and was about to get turnt! I wanted to do everything TN had to offer. I remember it was a weekday in the afternoon my sister, a friend and I hit a random bar. I think it was either a Wednesday or Thursday as the bar was extremely empty. Three guys were drinking and the bartender was fidgeting with the TV trying to find some sports station. My friend Bre is very fun and flirty so she came in with a lot of energy. Everybody was watching her as I made my way to one of the bar seats. I looked across from me and there was this 6″2 dark and handsome guy with an amazing smile staring at me. I was so nervous I looked to my phone quickly pretending I had gotten a text message. When I looked up back, he was on his phone. I will never forget he was wearing corporate  work wear;dress shirt with his biceps showing perfectly and his tie pulled loosely around his neck. To say I was turned on would be an understatement. My sister and Bre wasted no time and they were sitting near him chatting up a storm. I was too nervous to go over and talk. A few minutes passes by and he mentions to the bartender to get me anything I wanted. I’m not the one to pass up free booze. With all the free drinks I had to go to the bathroom, my body was trying to pass out the alcohol. I came back and there he was standing near my bar stool. He goes, ‘you are really quiet’. At the moment I was hyperventilating on the inside. And said ‘I’m just really tired’. [LIE!]. He touched my lower back and said, ‘I can tell your friends forced you out’. Honestly I knew my heart must have left my body because no words left my mouth as he walked back over to the the crazy conversation Bre was having. I beat myself up and wished I didn’t clam up around guys I liked.

A few days had passed and I was convinced I wouldn’t see this dude again. It’s Saturday night and Bre, my sister and I are pre-gaming like crazy. I was extremely tipsy before I had gotten to the club. And to my surprise he was already there. Bre had invited him. My blunt and tipsy self comes out with zero filter. He told me that he was going to take care of me tonight because he didn’t want some guy to take advantage of me. Real slick right😏. Anyways we are talking and dancing the night away. We had really random conversations as I was sobering up real fast. The club is about to close and he asks if I would come home and ‘chill’ with him. I was attracted to him but already fully conscious that I was not about to fuck this dude. So I declined and he kissed me on the cheek and left. I figured the no I shouted in his face significantly bruised his ego.

I had gotten his number and the texting started and the rest is history. I had talked and hung out with this dude the ENTIRE SUMMER. He worked in IT and was on a contracted job. He let me know he doesn’t usually stay in TN every weekend and he travels back and forth to Philadelphia. I thought nothing of this because we would always text and talk on the phone.

The day I placed my heart on the line was the day I permanently armed a ticking time bomb around it. He had cancelled our froyo date because he was sick. And I went out of my way to take care of him. I made homemade chicken soup *the canned Campbell’s soup variety* and picked up his meds at the pharmacy. I stayed with him through the vomiting and fever. I had spent the whole day and night with him. We talked a lot, played board games and cuddled while watching movies. I felt like I knew this guy. I had made breakfast in the morning. And at this point I wanted to DTR  :define the relationship. I was falling hard! In the moment he stated I was his everything’. All inhibitions I had were gone that morning I gave myself fully. My heart had belonged to him.

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It’s August and I was going to Jamaica for 2 weeks before school started back. I told him to come with me but I knew he had work. My whole trip I was talking with this guy. The last day of my trip I was asking if he would pick me up from the airport. He didn’t reply and the text messages went blank after that. He told me he was coming home from the bar and I know he was probably tipsy. I instantly thought the worse but honestly nothing could prepare me for what came next. The next day I came off that flight and went straight to his apartment. I knocked on the door and there was this woman. I scanned her up and down and she was fricking gorgeous. I asked for him and she angrily asked who I was . So then I replied ‘who are you??’. She’s lifts up her left hand showing her sparkly diamond ring and said “I’m the fiance!”

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The time bomb had went off!

In a panic I lied about our relationship as I’m never the one to play home wrecker. I walked back into the taxi with my shattered heart knowing that I was just the other girl. The person I vowed I would never be. I’ve seen the pain that comes from heartbreak but nothing really prepares you for the guilt. I tried to play back over in my head all the memories just searching for a red flag but nothing! Each memory drills more holes in my already broken heart as I feel cheap and used. It took me a long time to realize when he said I’m his everything, he meant everything he couldn’t have and vice versa.

College was starting back and I was leaving TN with a broken heart. I deleted all contact and communication and convinced myself it was just a horrible summer fling. It still hurts when I think about but I know my worth and I know there’s someone out there that will appreciate me.

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