I’ve neglected my blog for a few days but I have an extremely valid reason. I had best friend duties which meant that the last few days were absolutely CRAZY and DRAMA FILLED. It definitely wasn’t one of those Bonnie & Clyde situations where we had to be careful not to get jail time. I was needed for the boyfriend troubles. *Smh*. Well from my previous posts, its obvious I should not be recommended to give any form of love advice at all but yet as a friend I was needed. I was expecting a few tears and venting while I listened and drank free wine from her cabinet. But not my group of friends, I was delusional to even consider this scenario was an option. For this level of crazy we needed to pull out Mr. Jack Daniels. So the friend with the very fucked up issue, has been engaged for almost a year. The relationship is on a bit of a strain due to the long distance. They see each other almost every other weekend but for my friend its not enough. Its like the initial spark of the relationship is no long there and everything has become monotonous and static. Its easy to say she’s feeling alone and the distance is putting doubts in her head. She’s just overthinking how much her life is going to change in the future and she’s got to stay positive. For heavens sake, she’s going be spending the rest of her life with the man she loves. Welp! Let me tell you about guy #2 ! Yes there is a next freaking guy in the picture. Guy #2 she’s apparently fallen in love with. One level of this drama I could deal with but this just went way out my jurisdiction. So you can imagine the whole time I had a permanent expression of a deer in headlights. Just nodding with the occasional “omg” and “you’re kiddin’ me”.
Guy #2 she has been spending a lot of time with him and she feels that he might the one for her. She said the chemistry and connection is right, they get each other. I thought this was classic case of transference. Since this guy is giving her the love and affection she wants, then maybe she’s confusing it with love. But her face lights up so much when she speaks about Guy#2 I think she might truly be in love with this guy. But she been with her fiancé for three years. Why say yes to his proposal, if you aren’t in love with the person. Well I learnt a lot about her fiancé in which I couldn’t believe. They had displayed this picture perfect relationship but everything was an elaborate illusion, trying to portray a relationship in which she wanted. I know there relationship can be fixed but it requires equal effort from both and I’m not sure her fiancé will put in this level of work. Their relationship lacked the element of romance and affection. Its almost like a loveless relationship but the sex was included. The fiancé still believes in the motto “bros before hoes”. His friends and their opinion mattered more than his soon-to-be-wife. Not a good way to start a relationship! This is exactly how Guy#2 came in the picture. She was seriously debating on taking a break from her fiancé. I recommended talking to her fiancé which she claims she did multiple times but no change.
Now, I definitely cant tell her what to do, this is something she has to think through and follow her heart. Its never easy to hurt someone and then to have things being more fucked up than they started.
Communication is important. Your partner is not a mind reader. When something is wrong actually say something. Don’t forget to keep the romance. For most women this element is needed. We need to feel like we are still the apple of your eyes. Without this, the crazy will come out!
Remember relationships are like farts, if you have to push hard its probably shit!