Isn’t it interesting the lengths a person will go to when they are in love. People will travel across the moon and stars to do anything for the person they love. That kind of love is a rarity and desired by many to have and experience. But what if that love is one-sided, one loves more than the other. Well its simple, the one that loves more is seen as the ‘crazy-in-love stalker’. In today’s world, we have labeled this sort of affection as having a crush on the other person. A sort of delusional state, if we refuse to make our affections known to the other person. We would save ourselves from the pain and torture if we were upfront from the beginning. But we are prided humans and would much rather take the high road. You know, the constant Facebook and Instagram stalking and the pining from a far. Taking an interest in stuff that they are interested in just to spark up an awkward conversation. I often times wonder, ‘Is it even considered love, when one takes such a strong interest in someone that doesn’t even have the same feelings?’ And then I remember that’s how the friendzone came in existence.
As a child I was such a tomboy! The type that played rough, collected bugs and hung out as one of the guys. [My brother had strongly influenced the growing stages of my life.] So being one of the guys I had zero interest in the male species. Well an emotional light bulb turned on in Kindergarten (I was probably 5 years old). We had a transfer kid from Canada placed in Mrs. Morgan’s class. He had an accent so I thought that was really cool. But I didn’t start having feelings until one day he came up to me and said, ‘I like that you are not like the other girls’. Of course at the time, he was pointing out the fact that I watched WWE and liked Power Rangers and Dragon Ballz. Also I had a lot of Gameboy cartridges in which he often borrowed. But I read this as a sign of his affection.
Jane Austen said, “A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”
Extremely accurate statement because I had enough imagination for the both of us. The awkwardness and weirdness came quickly, I refused to play with him in hopes that he would no longer see me as one of the guys. I found myself writing, “MRS. WILLIAMS” in my notebooks.* full on crush with the added crazy*.
This is Kindergarten so everything is quick and short. I was probably avoiding him for a week but I am still a tomboy and cant help but spend lunch breaks playing with the guys. This lunch break a group of guys and I were playing Power Rangers. All by the jungle gym fake fighting, but technically we were actually throwing legit punches and kicks. I was sparring with this kid Peter, when he straight punched me in the mouth. I fell to the ground and there was blood everywhere. My loose baby tooth had been punched from my mouth. Peter began crying and apologizing but I am a pretty tough girl. I asked him and the other guys to help me look for my baby tooth.
Shocked by the amount of blood someone went and got the teacher. Word spread quickly and everyone came running towards the jungle gym. What happened next I will never forgive myself. My crush came over and asked what happened. The water works started instantly as I began bawling my eyes out. I think I was hoping that he would comfort me. Absolutely dumb because we are all like four or five. I said Peter had hit me purposely in the face. Completely not true but I could not withdraw the lie as easily as it came out. (Side Note: I apologized to Peter). The tears were extremely unnecessary I wasn’t in pain and my brother had thrown harder punches at me. It’s sort of karmic when I think about it, since now I have a hard time crying when I’m actually sad.
The next day my crush came up and said, ‘umm you’ve been acting weird’ and he walks off . Technically I internalized that as ‘I don’t like you, you cooties having bitch’. I wanted to cry but God’s punishment for the lie had already started. As kids we never dwell on stuff for long so everything went back to normal quickly. The love I had for this guy went back to being platonic. (or so I think)
For 9 years I remained friends with this guy. And spent the other 2 years with him being my first boyfriend. But relationships last longer when you love each other equally. Life’s not always a Boy Meets World episode, we all cant get the Cory and Topanga experience. I’ve always loved him more and probably will always love him more. Moral of this story, if you like someone and they single let them know. They may feel the same or they may not. But its best to know from the beginning. The friendzone is not your actual friend.