When shit happens in my life, I honestly need to turn to a divine source to seek answers that led to this very embarrassing/fucked up situation. I believe there is only so much karma can do and I refuse to believe the universe despises me this much.
So my friend introduces me to this guy. Hella fine! Tall and Dark with 100% pure sexiness. I am thinking, YES! finally I can fertilize my eggs. (lol just kiddin…well maybe a little ). But seriously, I haven’t had sexual male interaction in awhile plus this dude seemed promising. So I am ready to put in the work. Well this is when God or the freaking universe decides to straight fuck me in the ass. I’ve been talking to this guy for 3days! Just 3days! You know the first initial conversations are crucial. I’m trying to turn my sex appeal all the way up. We’ve been talking on Whatsapp, but Whatsapp has that new call feature. Whatsapp that shit is hella sensitive please fucking remove!! So I am rushing into the house to use the bathroom. He had sent a message which I just briefly opened but hadn’t read. I accidentally pressed the call feature. Of course he fucking answers. I had no freaking idea. I fly into the bathroom and threw up the toilet lid. He heard me struggling just to zip down my pants as I was on the brink of pissing on myself. I threw my ass down on the toilet seat and released what seemed like years worth of pee. It would be easy to lie and say ‘oh its just the water running’. Nope! at the end I went, “ahhh thank you Jesus”. There is a moment of silence and I hear someone calling my name. I grabbed up my phone realizing he had heard the entire thing. I felt my entire soul leave my body. I ended the call instantly. With a ghost white expression on my face I turned off my phone to avoid any confrontation. My phone has been off for an hour now. Extremely petty but I am so embarrassed. Imagine if I was actually taking a shit!