So I was having a heart to heart conversation with my close friend about relationships. Just taking a trip down memory lane and assessing all our shitty relationships we’ve had through college to now. Evaluating our friends that found the real deal and are with their soul mates. And I just had a sudden feeling of “fuck it!’ Before I continue this rant, it is not intended to critique the life choices made by anyone. This is my personal epiphany. This stems from choices and decisions I have made to suit societal norm and I am quite fed up.
When it comes to the male population, I realize my priorities are all messed. I tend to place my self-worth in a man. And that should never be the case. Spending all this money on hair & lash extensions, waist trainers, lingerie, hardcore diet and exercise plans. You know all things I should want to do for myself and not to please any man. Actually not to please ANYONE! But once a man is in my life, there this change like I need to prove my value. Which absolutely sucks. But then I am faced with this dilemma because this is what society expects from me. For me to fix myself like I was broken. No one wants a girl that wont put in the effort to look presentable and show of her assets. And I am not saying that I’m unkempt. But on a regular day my hair is in a messy bun and I’m wearing chucks. No makeup with raccoon eyes because I am nocturnal as hell. I would much rather wear hoodies and sweats than dresses and skirts. My normal presentation wouldn’t be considered attractive to society. These things I change about myself once I am in a relationship. I find myself slipping into this submissive role. Submissive to the man. Submissive to societal expectations. But then there is also this set perception of beauty; light skinned/Hispanic mixed, fit, gorgeous eyes, flawless skin and curly hair. This is the new exotic! So anyone that does not fall within this category really need to step their game up. Having to work twice as hard for a guy to even notice once.
But I’ve reached my boiling point! I am tired of people saying if I want a man I need to dress and act differently! “You need to add kink in the bedroom or expect him to cheat” or “men don’t like competitive women its a turn off, stop being such a tomboy”. Fuck society and their norms! So far I’ve had no luck doing it your way! All it brings is heartbreak & unhappiness. So I am going to start doing me! So what if I end up alone with 20 cats (Dear God I pray that doesn’t happen 😂😂 lol). I am tired of losing myself in the relationship because it feels like I have forgotten who I am as a person. In life, I need to find my bestfriend and I wont find him not being myself. Because I am that girl that will trash talk just playing word with friends lol. I will kick your ass playing mortal kombat. My idea of fun is go karting than sitting at some fancy restaurant. I typically dress for comfort and I don’t think I only need my clothes to be tight to be sexy. I have a sucky diet regime. My level of awesomeness is just out of this world and I don’t need to lower it for anyone!
*Breathes a sigh of relief* I feel so much better after typing this out. If you’ve read this far and feel the same way ! Lets all say Fuck it! Put your middle fingers up if you don’t fit into society’s norm! (Who wants to anyways, individuality is way cooler) If you are tired of changing the best part of you because its not acceptable! (awesomeness has no boundaries, so better yourself for only you!)
In order to truly value ones self-worth. One needs to first love themselves. Its hard to love yourself when you are trying to change yourself for someone else rather than for yourself.