This is saga three to my dilemma.
So I promised my friend that I would call in the afternoon and my petty ass didn’t…I just didn’t know what to say or how to handle the situation.
So much for leaving my default of avoiding situations in 2015. But this guy is not about avoidance or even letting me sweat out the situation. He decides to call me.
Going over the phone conversation in my head, I am truly crazy. I got emotional which I almost never do, it was on some bipolar level. I am beginning to believe the memes that all women are naturally crazy. Like I have my own share of crazy but that conversation bordered on basket case.
Oh great I also forgot its my time of the month. This could explain the tears because they were so out of character. Damn I hate you mother nature. Having me double thinking on what was said and the decision I made.
So this is the gist of the conservation….
Him: Hey, whats good ma?
Me: mhmm hi.
Him: why you acting weird babe
*Queues the crazy outburst*
Me: what you mean I’m acting weird, you the one that been wildin, I’m good.
He’s laughing and saying I’m tripppin’. Trying to keep the mood light I guess
(Inner thoughts were like nah I aint the one thats trippin here!)
Him: I meant what I had said, I think we should give this a shot
*Insert crazy outburst*
Me: why the fuck now?? do you think I am one of yo hoes you can just fuck with and bounce.
Trust me at this point, my anger and menstrual cramps were getting the best of me. He realized I was being really emotional and stopped laughing and was being serious with me.
In summary, he made me know that I deserve nothing but the best and he honestly doesn’t know why he deserves me. He knows its a big gamble because it would suck if he lost my companionship. But he would regret it if he let a next dude swoop in. Blah blah blah…
Now I am livid and the water works came. I started crying. *Rolls my eyes* I’m still trying to figure out why the fuck I was crying.
I was so angry that he was worried about a next dude. Like don’t be selfish and self-centered. Honestly he was saying all the thing I wanted to hear. But I’ve heard this shit before. The baggage from my previous relationships came to the front of my mind and I was frantic and upset.
So I am crying and yelling for him to stop fucking lying to me. If there was any moment I was more of a dick repellent, it was definitely during this conversation. It was almost like at any moment I was waiting for him to say fuck it, you a crazy ass bitch. But he was really apologetic and extremely reasonable.
We were talking for a long ass time! I had calmed down and was pretty much back to normal. *BIPOLAR MESS!*
He was giving me several reasons why he think our relationship would work. And the reason he wasn’t looking for a commitment when we first met and how it was childish. Internally I am freaking out because he was thinking of something long term with me and it scared me even more than just giving the relationship a chance. He’s such a awesome and fun guy if this went south it would emotionally and physically hurt me. Do you know how hard it is to find a guy that’s like a best friend.?! But I don’t want to dismiss whatever this could potentially grow to become. I am also worried that the love I have for him will remain platonic. Last thing I want to do is force my feelings into existence or settle.
I am never the gambler. But I had no idea what to do. And the best advice my friend could give was go with my heart. *Face Palms* I was looking for my bestie to give me a yay or nay response. So I flipped a coin. Yes the balance of our relationship/friendship was determined on heads vs tails.
My emotions were too out of sync to rely on. So I made it real simple. Heads, I gave him a weekend for him to show me why I should make this work. I don’t know that romantic side of him. (Well I’ve heard the stories with his floozies, so those antics wont work with me). He’s at an advantage with this because he knows me. Would be a shame if he fucked up. But if this never works out, we bury any feelings and remain friends. Tails, not ruin a good thing and remain friends. Of course, the universe spoke and heads it was.
I am still worried about the what-ifs. No matter what happens I know our friendship will probably never be the same. So I am trying not to be a Negative Nancy and just go with the flow.