You can call me old-fashioned or a lame but I just don’t understand why people cheat. I find it hard to accept the lifestyle that has been sweeping this generation, and that is the side piece role. This need to enter a hidden relationship with another person that is in a relationship. I don’t want to be judgmental to people that are content and accept this lifestyle but I just don’t know why anyone would choose to subject themselves to it.
Today, I went to lunch with a group of friends. And I use the word friends loosely as I’ve only hung out with them on a few social events. This specific meet-up, we had a very heated debate about infidels and adultery. A friend in the group stated that she recently has been in a relationship with a married man. Her confession took me by surprise as the first thing I asked was, ‘is he separated with his wife?’. Her response was “I’m his mistress, his wife doesn’t know about me”. Now I am astonished and quite frankly disturbed by the entire conversation at this point. I was the only person on the defense about her decision. Everyone else was laughing and condoning her behavior. Some comments I received were…
” Man was never meant to be in a monogamous relationship”
“If his wife was doing her job, he wouldn’t be looking elsewhere”
“Don’t be stupid Sharih, everyone gets cheated on”
They spoke so casually on the issue as if trying to convince me that cheating/getting cheated on was a natural occurrence. As if saying I shouldn’t knock it until I try it. I’ve been in relationships where I’ve been cheated and lied to, and to have that trust violated and taken advantage of by someone you ‘love’ really hurts. I think it is very selfish for an individual to cheat on their partner and I refuse to lower myself to that expectation that my partner is allowed to fuck anything with a heart beat and I should just accept it. An affair is a lie. A relationship founded on a lie is toxic in my eyes.
At the end of the conversation I was less angry and more hurt. I thought to myself if everyone started having this mentality on love and relationship, the concept of happily ever after will just be a myth found only in fairytales.
I take marriage vows seriously; whether you recited the generic vows or wrote your own vows. A commitment was made between two people. I think about this married man messing with my friend and I am upset. Don’t commit your life with someone else and then live a double life. It’s very selfish especially when I think that this situation can have an impact on his child. This is why I am so big on communication because if the relationship cannot be salvaged, you and your partner need to come to a consensus and separate. Don’t lie and make excuses about business trips while partying with my friend in Vegas. Nowadays, divorce is so common…either go to counseling and work shit out or go your separate ways.
My parents have been married for almost 40 years and their marriage is far from perfect. They argue and disagree on stuff but they still love each other. For me to see a relationship like this grow over the years, how can I accept that cheating is inevitable. And I am sure if I spoke to this man about his transgressions, he would state that he loved his wife and family. I can only theorize that cheating is all about the thrill and excitement of not being caught. But at what point does one consider the feelings of the person they are hurting. It’s extremely unfair for only one person to be fully committed and invested in the relationship.
I am a little lenient on the issue when it comes to boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. It’s a blessing to catch an affair in the early stage but that doesn’t mean its acceptable. Just break up with the person. Could even talk to your partner and ask for a break. If at the end of the break and you both realize that you should make it permanent, I think its a way better solution. As I said I just don’t understand why people cheat🤔.
You may or may not agree with me and that’s fine. But think about it this way. Does it hurt to love someone? No it doesn’t. But lying, cheating and screwing with someone’s emotions do. Be with someone who respects you enough never lie to your heart and abuse your trust.
P.S. This post was not intended to offend anyone’s cultural background that practices polygamy.