LIOG…Fucking Hot Mess!! πŸ˜”

H O T   M E S S !!

This is the only phrase I can use to describe the disaster of a week I’ve been experiencing. I am struggling just to get a handle on my own life, so my ability to help another human with their life trouble is not something I can handle.

Sigh…

Where do I even start with this story. Well, for the past 4 days my 15 year old cousin has been crashing on my couch.

Well, why you might be wondering?? My aunt’s exact words, “Since she’s big enough to take grown man dick, she must go live with the man that breed her”

Caribbean parents don’t play when it comes to situations like this. Teenage pregnancy is something they all preach for us to avoid. My mom told me multiple times if I became a teen mom she will disown me. So I was really hoping  my aunt would forgive and take back Nicole. She was with me for just a short time and it had already caused a strain on my relationship with my man and family. But the last thing I would do is abandon family. I wasn’t going to allow her to live on the streets. I know shit happens but this was just crazy.

Let me take you to the beginning…

Nicole sends me a text message on Tuesday afternoon asking if she could spend the night. I called her and she said she had a fight with her mom and she wanted a place to crash. She lives like probably 20 minutes away. So I said sure. I know Auntie Lydia, she’s just like my mom a complete hot head. This would give her time to cool down so that the situation would blow over in the morning.

I didn’t see Nicole on Tuesday. It is Wednesday and I’m planning on sleeping over at Jake’s place. I get a call at around 11pm, Nicole is crying and letting me know she’s standing outside my apartment. At this point, I am wondering what the fuck is going on. So I told her to stay put and I would get there in about 30 minutes. Now, I was planning on dropping her back to her house and head back to Jake’s. So Jake decided that he would drive me home to sort out the issue. I get to my apartment and she got like two duffle bags and her bag pack. Jake is asking me what’s going on and I’m sitting in the car like...

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Jake stayed in the car and I got out and Nicole is crying frantically. I am calling my aunt because she’s hardly making any sense. She kept repeating that she wanted to die. I don’t take that shit lightly. I’ve lost too many friends to suicide and I was not going to abandon my cousin when she needs someone. I finally get in contact with my aunt and she’s yelling at me. She made me know that Nicole is pregnant and that I should leave her at the police station. I started crying. My aunt is not perfect but I could not believe what she was telling me.

I get Nicole in the house and told Jake that he could leave and I would call him. So its a little after midnight. I am feeling overwhelmed but I have to be the grown up. I know I am 24 but I’ve never felt more like a kid. Nicole  was my responsibility.  And I almost failed her. Sigh.

We get in the house and I set up the futon. She wasn’t making much sense as I tried to ask her about the baby father. I let her know Auntie Lydia would calm down and everything would be okay. She cried for the most of it and  didn’t reply to most of my questions. I made her some tea and pretty much stayed and comfort her until she fell asleep.

My car was at Jake’s place and I have work. So he came to pick me up. I figured she was in no position to go to school, so I told her I would come back half day but I had to be at work. I get home around 1pm and this girl is half conscious in my bathroom. She had been drinking  the vodka in my cabinet. She drank almost half the bottle. I guess she wanted to get rid of the baby I have no fucking idea. I went into fucking survivor mode! I was freaking out! I let a minor get access to alcohol whom I left unsupervised. Bad adulting 101. I was not about to let her die in my care. I pushed my fingers down her throat and she threw up. At this point she was crying and I called Jake. I know you are thinking why didn’t I just call the hospital or the police. But I guess I was trying to leave the state out of this family mess. I don’t know, I  will never be 100% certain about the decision I made that day.

In the time I called Jake, he was probably at my place in 15 minutes. He gave me so much shit about leaving her home and not taking her to the hospital. He was so angry with me. When I think about that conversation I want to cry all over again. He said some things that really hurt and I don’t know if he said it because he was scared. But his words hurt me…

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…Anyways, when Nicole was more composed, we both questioned her. She told us about the baby father. She was messing with a 30yr old man that wanted nothing more to do with her and the baby. Jake really sat her down and let her know that she had responsibilities. That she wasn’t a little 15 year old girl anymore, she needed to take control of her life and figure out what she needed to do to ensure her happiness. Even stated that we would always be there to help her. I was so glad he was there, because I just wanted to cry. My little cousin was seconds away from dying in my care. I called my aunt and let her know what had happened. She spoke to Nicole for a few minutes. I don’t know what words were exchanged but shortly after Nicole’s dad had called me. He lives like 4 hours away and stated that he would pick her up on Saturday. This week has been a nightmare from hell. I really  hope my cousin gets the help she needs.

The week has left me in a numb state of mind. I completely forgot that its Valentine’s Day tomorrow. Honestly I would seriously like nothing more than to be with myself. Sigh.

I want to leave this post with some positivity. But the week left me feeling disappointed in myself. I keep replaying what Jake said and wondering if I was really being selfish.

“Sha-Rih are you fucking stupid, she’s a minor. Why would you leave her alone”

These words and my inebriated cousin on my bathroom floor will forever be a memory that haunts me. πŸ˜”πŸ˜’

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