We all know the following phrases…
“A zebra can’t change it stripes” OR “A leopard can’t change it spots”
Idioms used as analogies to express that a person can’t change who they truly are. Their stripes and spots represents one’s essential nature and so they wont likely change their behavior. But I like to think actions speaks louder than words so what do optimists like myself do. We bust out that dye kit and try to paint something else on. Whether we paint over a blank slate with no stripes/spots, or we change the stripes/spots into different colors and shapes, we always seem to forget that underneath the stripes and spots will forever remain.
I’ve been holding off on writing this specific post because I didn’t want to seem like I was actually just over reacting and making something bigger than it actually is. So I’ve given myself a few days to really process the entire situation. And honestly I am still fucking pissed.
I wrote a post a few weeks ago that my mom’s birthday was coming up and I was going to bring Jake to meet my parents. My mom’s birthday was on April 2nd and she’s 63 and fabulous!😁🎈🎊 She’s acting like just turned 25 though lol. Now I was a little freaked out about bringing Jake because I know my family is a hand full. I was anxious about juggling the party and evading snide remarks that members in my family will be giving. I was all nerves as the weekend fast approached. On the Friday (April Fools Day), Jake mentioned that he’d be busy with work and wouldn’t be coming to the party. Honestly I was a little bit disappointed but extremely relieved. Planning the birthday party was really overwhelming and stressful. It’s a 5hour ride driving non-stop to my parent’s place and the initial plan was to drive down on Friday so I could set up the outside patio early on Saturday for the party. Since I was driving by myself I decided to just leave Saturday morning. When I arrived at my parent’s house I texted Jake to let him know I had arrived. He read the message but he didn’t reply. I was too preoccupied to make a big issue of him not replying. For the whole day I have not heard a peep out of Jake. So after cleaning up and washing items and putting the house back in order, its extremely late and I’m exhausted. I decided to Facetime Jake around midnight because I haven’t heard from him all day. He didn’t answer and I called a few times. Maybe 40 minutes passed and he sent a text that he’s out with his boys. This wasn’t unnatural so I said, “okay babe, be safe”.
On Sunday, I went to church and brunch with my sister and parents. In the morning I sent a text message saying “good morning, I miss you😘”. And this was around 8am. If you didn’t know this about black churches, the services will be lasting for 3 hours or more. They doing everything so everyone is just hungry by the time its over.
I started the car ride back home probably 3-4pm and this whole time I still haven’t heard anything from Jake. So I decided to call him. Conversation was going great until I asked about last night’s festivities. He gets all defensive and vague. So now I have to be digging for answers and he’s getting frustrated with me. He starts accusing me of not trusting him. Honestly if I wasn’t paranoid before, the conversation we were having definitely made me feel like I had to go investigate for myself. Red flags began to go off like fireworks the minute he didn’t want to tell me the people he went with or the name of the club.
Ignorance is truly bliss. A phrase I fully understand now. When I did my Insta and Facebook stalking my heart dropped. It was like this empty pity in my stomach and all I could feel was numbness. Who do I find in Jake’s tagged photos! Fucking Shay ! Yes Shay that works at TGIF that I’ve mentioned in a previous post. A person I am expecting to be irrelevant is all up on my man. The caption alone pisses me off.
“I love this man so much😍😘 #MCE #bae”
For those that don’t know MCE means man crush everyday. And the picture shows him in the club sitting in the lounge section and she’s sitting on lap while kissing him on his cheek.
Rewriting this is making me livid!😡
So I wasted no time! I checked the comments and the likes. And guess who likes the photo. If you guessed Jake, you are absolutely correct! Jake liked the fucking photo so that indicates to me that he approves of this type of behavior. This is a long ass car drive so I’m in my emotions. I’m crying, I’m sad and I’m upset. Honestly its a miracle I didn’t drive my car off into a ditch because I was seeing red! That’s how pissed I was. Now, I am not obligated to check no girl. I am not in a relationship with Shay so I go check my man the same day. Everything spiraled into an argument. We’ve had arguments before but this one was on a whole other level. He made me seem like the crazy,jealous girlfriend but I was not having it! I’m out of town and haven’t spoken to you the whole weekend and you’re acting like its a crime to find out what my man was doing! But I have trust issues when I am not the one cuffed up with someone else on social media. But I am overreacting! Absolutely suspect! 🕵That conveniently when I am out of town this girl pops back up in his life but I am the one in the wrong. Negro no you will not flip this around! 😤 This same girl I know you were fucking a month before you got with me.
The argument escalated quickly because the last thing I heard was, “this wont work out. I cant be with an insecure girl”. I flipped a switch, its like I got even angrier as tears began flowing from my eyes. How dare he call me insecure. A guy that’s known me in my ups and downs. You guys don’t understand how much I’ve fallen for this guy. He made me feel like my relationship with him was nothing more than a game. And I was stupid enough to fall for the trap.
This was nothing but a superficial love. A relationship that feels right and looks great on paper but was very shallow. It infuriates me that Shay had become a topic of discussion AGAIN! but if she’s a constant factor its something I need to be concerned about. I don’t want to fight with him. But I am tired of beating myself up. I am tired of excusing his actions as my mistakes. I am just fucking tired.
A zebra will always have stripes. A leopard will always have spots. Jake will always be a player😔.