LIOG…Trapped In The K-Vortex🌪🌪

You might be wondering…Sha-Rih what the hell is a K-Vortex????

Well let me tell you…

1.) It’s a place of no return😨

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2.) You’ll never truly know when you got caught up in the vortex until its too late😫

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3.) Time becomes a figment of your imagination😖

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I am talking about everything Korean…(South Korean🇰🇷 to be exact). I’ve been caught up in the whole lifestyle;

the music

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drama

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fashion

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food

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I remember the first day I got a taste of kpop. It was the day that changed my life forever. Waaayyy back in high school circa 2009 ( yes I’m old af!) , I use to hang out with a clique that was straight up into anime, manga, fanfic and the emo lifestyle. Call us nerds if you want but back then were happier days. Sometimes I actually miss those days because for anyone that doesn’t really know me, its hard for them to even imagine me going through that phase.

My friend Kira introduced me to TVXQ(DBSK) and that was the band that opened my eyes to everything kpop. Being an international supporter it was so much harder to get things subbed and translated then than now. But I just loved their music even though I did not know a single word in Korean. That appreciation evolved so quickly because I loved 2ne1, Big Bang, T-ara, Wondergirls, BEG, SHINee and girls generation. To say my parents did not understand me during this period in my life would be an understatement.

“you and your likkle chiney boyfriend dem” – mom

(Btw my mom is Jamaican and any guy of Asian ethnicity is Chinese, she had zero cares in the world to even try and differentiate.)

But like all  teenagers I assumed I was going through a phase especially after TVXQ got disbanded. I wasn’t so invested in kpop music; I still listened to the music but I wasn’t consumed by the fandom.  But it was apparently too late for me, I had already crossed over to  the darkside.

I get to college and my palate for Asian cuisine reached to an optimum level. Thai, Burmese, Vietnam, Korean, Japanese and Chinese foods I could not get enough of it. I swear Thuthu just pushed me further into the blackhole because it’s a dream of mine to travel to East Asia and try some authentic cooked food. I’m just hoping I get to go when I’m still in my twenties. I need my kidneys and liver fully functional for alcohol consumption since Koreans know how to drink!🍻

I truly flung myself into the k-vortex when I decided that I was going to watch kdramas. I’ve been stuck for 2 years in dramaland! Like the k-drama addiction is sooo real! K-dramas have officially ruined me. If I don’t get a back hug, piggyback ride or a kiss on the forehead from my boo thing! Best believe I’ve already concluded my relationship aint shit! *I’m kiddin😂’* But kdramas have left me with such high expectations when I’m in a relationship. Kdramas do an excellent job in promoting a Korean man’s sex appeal because I would not hesitate to get myself a Korean hubby.

I’ve used so many Korean vocabulary in my daily speech to that point that its normal for everyone around me. (I know honorifics is a huge part of the culture so I should try and fix that habit if I am to visit South Korea). I lose serious sleep with kdramas. Firstly, I get so invested in the storyline that there no such thing as I’ll only watch one episode. Its more like ‘it’s 2am in the morning…okay lets go to the next episode’. With the overwhelming difference with the time zone, I have to wait for new episodes to be subbed. (Shout out to the people that do the English subs, keep doing God’s work👏👏👏). For the kpop addicts I don’t have to explain this time zone issue. This month has been nothing but comebacks and debut releases. If you are an international fan like myself apart of a multi-fandom then I know for sure you haven’t been sleeping since this month started. I haven’t fully processed GOT7 album and BTS is out here just trying to claim my soul.

63565927**me watching bts new video blood, sweat and tears on repeat**

The one thing that sucks about being trapped in the k-vortex, it’s hard to find someone in my vicinity that loves the same thing. Do you know how I wish I had a close friend I could go kcon with. Sigh it can be a lonely place not to mention expensive AF! Merch aint cheap or free.

Do you wanna know if you are also trapped in the k-vortex…if BTS no longer equates to Behind The Scenes. Well my friend make yourself comfy because you are trapped in the k-vortex.

 

LIOG…One Reality Check Please!🙋

After months of silence, it’s time for a life update.

I’ve been finding myself for the past weeks questioning everything in my life. Asking questions such as…

What do I want from life?😩

What’s my purpose?🤔

Please God, let me go back to my younger days?🙏

The place I’m at in my life, scares the hell out of me. It’s like I’m driving blindly in a heavy snow storm and struggling just to stay on the road. Next month I will be 25 and I am literally having a mid-life crisis. I find myself having more regrets than anything else. I guess if I think about the series of events I probably should shoulder some of the blame. I had a life plan that’s not going as planned and its frustrating!😖

It was a simple life plan. Obtain a high school and undergrad degree. Apply to med school and become a forensic pathologist. Later, get married and have a few kids. I’ve been singing this anthem, to the point that I’ve had severe tunnel vision. But the older I got I realized that it wasn’t as easy as I had thought. I needed money and the odds were not in my favor. After failing to get into med school, I was in a hard place but I was fully aware it was a competitive environment and I had to want it. I was no longer sure if it was actually my calling. I started to wonder if I wanted this path because of my parents or if the fear of already failing placed a road block that I no longer wanted to cross.

So I deviated a little from my one track path and took the option to go make some money. I worked with a pharmaceutical company and actually enjoyed what I was doing but management was absolute shit! These people got my blood and soul and several overtime hours. What did they do, they decided to let me go. To say I was upset would be a complete understatement. For weeks, I was spending all my time plotting on how to bring the company down. I was just so angry with the situation, angry with myself and angry with the world. I had limited cash in my savings account, bills need to be paid. Like how the fuck was I going to survive. I spent a majority of the time wallowing and licking my wounds than seriously analyzing the situation.

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It’s been almost 2 months being unemployed and  I got the biggest reality check from the last person I wanted to hear it from. Freeakingg Jake! ( mhm if you don’t follow my blog, well he’s my best friend that became my boyfriend and now my ex).

I met up with Jake last week to bury the hatchet. After the disastrous break-up, so much needed to be said to release this overwhelming tension in our relationship. We had the same friends and all hung out together so we decided  to be grown about everything. Plus he was my best friend before anything and I honestly missed talking to him. Our conversation randomly drifted to his new relationship and I asked if he was happy. He said three words to me and the water works started.

“she’s the one”

He was so shocked that I started crying. Shit! I was shocked that I was crying. Let me be clear, I wasn’t crying because I was bitter about him moving on or that I was heartbroken. Quite frankly I’ve come to terms that we were better as friends and will always be happy for him. But I was so lost. I kept so much in on the inside that all the pain and sadness I had bottled up came pouring out. The realization of how distant I had become hit me like a bus. I wasn’t blogging or using social media. I hardly talked to my friends. I was so far gone that all I could do was cry.  Jake had a real heart to heart conversation with me. He hated to see me all broken because he knows I am not the type of person to be deterred by a little roadblock. I know I’m not that type of person, I had to get myself together. Our conversation really brought things into perspective. I can’t control everything that happens in my life. But I can focus on what I can do in the present. That way I’ll be able to live a much happier life.

I know my situation may not relate to lot of people. But for those that are in a similar situation and struggling in a dark space. I’ll finish this post by saying…

“No matter what knocks you down in life, get back up and keep going. Never give up. Great blessings are a result of great perseverance.”

 

 

LIOG…Losing My Sanity!😖😫😩

I’m Backkkkkk!🤗

*types that nervously*

I’m back for now….I had so many summer ideas planned for my blog that can no longer happen.😔

I cant believe I’ve been on a hiatus for almost two months. I’ve missed the comfort of just escaping into the blogging world. For all my followers I am determined to catch up on all your stories I’ve missed out on. For the people that actually read my blog I am sorry, wish I could say that I’ll do better but my life is in a chaotic period and work is the biggest stress factor.

*Caution: Expletives will be inserted throughout the continuity of this post*

Work. Fucking Work!

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I promised myself that I would never mix work into any of my blog posts but I need to make an exception.  So many things need to be vented out!

Before entering the working world I knew it would be stressful. I wont get along with everyone. Multiple days I would like nothing but to tell all my coworkers to fuck off 🖕and days when I don’t even want to be at work. But after much self-reflection, I am under more stress than anything else and need to remove myself from this environment. Recently, I went to get a medical check-up and was told my blood pressure is high. There is currently only one stress factor in my life and that is my job.

So what is it that I do? I work as a Chemist for a small pharmaceutical company. I generally work in the lab as a Chemical Analyst but recently I’ve been working as a Production Chemist. Why this shift in department. The company does not know how to 1.) Treat their fucking employees and 2.)  Management system is absolute shit! 😠

Now, I’m at a breaking point in which I am ready to be like…

Fuck%20It%20I'm%20Making%20MethDid you catch that breaking bad reference lol, I might as well make use of this science background. Don’t worry I’m just kidding about entering the drug game…well maybe….I do have what it takes to be about that trap life lol.

Just to clarify I don’t hate my career choice. Doing my job does not stress me out, its the people around that stresses me out. My environment is toxic to my healthy and I am slowly losing my sanity.

Earlier in the year there was a huge power struggle at work. Senior staff and the boss in constant dispute. I don’t know why people bring so many emotions in the workplace, I see it as a serious hindrance. In April, about seven people left the company, 3 were senior positions held by individuals working with the company for over 10 years. I wont get in the details of why individuals left and were fired. But it was messy! Lawyers and lawsuits etc. That just meant for the remaining employees shit was going to hit the fan! The first stress factor was the constant overtime hours that was becoming a regular thing. My work hours are from 8:30-5pm, and typically I would leave the latest 7pm. But since so many senior chemists have left, for the newer individuals like myself have to be playing catch-up. Work hours will be extending until 10-11pm, and it fucking ridiculous because they released some bullshit ultimatum about being at the work station at exactly 8:30am. After leaving work fucking 11pm at night if I show up at fucking 8:40am just dock that shit from my pay and don’t ask why I’m fucking 10mins late! Recently I feel like I am in a day prison. They don’t believe in negotiating or talking to their employees like human beings. I wonder how they expect to expand and grow their company under these emotional circumstances. There are so many issues with the management that I  am extremely disappointed. I believed in their “core values” and wanted to be apart of their expansion project with Research & Development. But I honestly no longer see myself apart of their vision. Everyday its a fucking issue and they use lies to mask their mistakes. Each department in the company is struggling. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it.

The next factor are the men. I work in a predominantly male environment. And that’s a fucking struggle. I’ve become a constant source of love drama. Everyday there is some damn rumor that I’m this person’s girlfriend. It’s like they’ve decided to live in some fanfic they’ve created about me and them. It’s okay to have a crush on a coworker but its reached a point that I am ANNOYED! If I say something to one of those guys it fuels the rumors and I don’t want to feel uncomfortable talking with the person.

Last month at lunch in the break room, I was specifically asked this question by one of the guys that has a crush on me.

“I like you, are you single?”

He did this publicly as more people were in that area and were all listening intently to hear my response. So I took use of this opportunity and said,

“I don’t eat, where I shit”

He looked at me puzzled and I replied,

“I don’t believe in office relationships and my current status is none of your business”.

I thought this would be enough to end this crap until another coworker approached me about giving this guy a chance and how he’s a good dude. I’m ruining his life blah blah blah.

AreYouFuckingKidding

A bunch of annoying bullshit!

This is the stuff that stress me out. I have coworkers trying to play cupid and all up in the affairs of my life and my boss’s business decisions causing me to lose sleep at night.

I think it’s time to look for a new job. I’m 24 and I’m not trying to go bald from stress.

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LIOG…Cutting The Gaddamn Lawn In The Morning😡😡

Warning*explicit language*🤐

It’s a lovely Saturday morning and I am up cranky! Why am I cranky?? Because my bloody neighbors woke up and decided that it would be a brilliant idea to cut their lawn 6am in the fucking morning.😡 That then followed a damn ripple effect because the other neighbor now getting zero sleep decides they should also cut their grass.

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My neighbors are dickheads!! No other explanation. A person has to be a massive asshole to get up and be completely inconsiderate to the people living around them. I could understand if this was in the week, the majority is already up and getting ready for work. But I cherish my Saturday mornings. I don’t want to be up early, and definitely not to be woken up by fucking lawnmowers.

I’m just so annoyed with everything. I literally could walk up to random stranger and punch them in the friggin’ tit! That’s how cranky and irritated I am right now. Once I’m up, that’s it I am officially awake. I’m more annoyed with myself because I was up until 5am binge watching Korean drama. If only I knew I was getting less than two hours of sleep I would have went to bed at midnight😩😩😩. My eyes are swollen and I no longer have the luxury to go back to bed.

Dear Lord,

Please give me the strength not to be petty because you know I would be facing arson charges for I want nothing more than to burn both my neighbor’s lawnmowers to the ground😈. Give me peace and serenity as I muddle through this sleepless Saturday😢.

-Sha-Rih

LIOG…Weekly Obsessions😊😍

Hello My Lovelies!!!😘

To express my emotions in Jamaican words “mi tyaaddddd” which just means I’m extremely exhausted😩. I’ve been slacking on my blog posts and I am so sorry. But I am alive and healthy.  I’ve been so busy with everything that once it’s 7pm I am already fast asleep. So I’m dedicating tonight to catch up on all my followers blog posts. Yes I try to read them all 🙂

Instead of a regular song & quote for the day. I’ve decided to switch it up and make it a weekly obsession!

So social media addiction for the week is….*drum rolls* Snapchat. My addiction with the filters is real lol. Check my “Let’s Chat” info if you want to follow me on any of my social media platforms.

With that said I’ve been taking a lot of photos in black & white since the month started. It’s a recent obsession to see everything in negatives. So here’s the selfie for the day!

Its jackfruit season!!!! I’m not sure if a lot of people know what jackfruit is so here’s a picture.

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I love jackfruit so it gets top position on my weekly fave. Sprinkle with a little salt and it tastes soo yummy!

As the summer season starts and the days get scorching hot! Remember to use your fruits to blend smoothies to cool you down. Natural sugars are much better than all that artificial stuff. And stay hydrated!💦

The tv series obsession is ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK!!!!!! Its back and that means I’ve renewed my Netflix account. I will be getting zero sleep this weekend! 🚫💤😴

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Let the binge watching begin!

I am also watching this Korean series called Descendants of the Sun and I love it! I cant help but love Kdrama. I get so invested with the storyline that it really plays with my emotions. With that said, Song Joong Ki is getting bae for the week! He’s such a cutie pie!😍

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(I watch a significantly high amount of kdrama, so bae for the  week will possibly come from whatever drama I am watching)

The song that’s on a constant loop is “Just a Dream” cover by Sam Tsui & Christina Grimmie.

 

I am completely heartbroken about the loss of this beautiful and talented soul. This was the first song I heard sung by Christina and I was in love with this rendition. I want to dedicate this song to all the lives lost at the Pulse club in Orlando. The violence that plagues the world is absolutely revolting and my heart truly goes out to all those families grieving over a loved one. As a people we need to unite and just love each other. Such a tragic incident. I pray for peace.🙏😔

May the lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

Numbers 6:26

LIOG…My Invisble Sphere😔

I’m always the type of person to think outside of the box. I’ve never felt confined to the point that I limit myself. I believe that whatever I put my mind to I can accomplish. But whether I am inside or outside the box I am always lonely. I feel alone.

It’s hard to explain. I write my thoughts freely on my blog. Hold back nothing and leave myself exposed and vulnerable. I have my close friends that know almost everything about me. Family is always supportive. But its like I’m stuck in an invisible sphere and I am unable to get out and no one realizes that I’m trapped.

Can anyone relate?

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome

-Oscar Levant

I wanted to share this song for the day by Chaos Chaos called Do You Feel It ?

LIOG… Do I Smell??😳😳

Life is a funny thing. As I’m writing this post I can’t help but occasionally touch my nose and smile.

The nose👃. I’ve never paid much attention to my nose. Sometimes I think I take it for granted. Though I’m extremely grateful to have one. I’ve always just used mine for respiratory purpose.

Breathe In.  Breathe Out. Take in oxygen and expel carbon dioxide.

But I’ve never made a big deal about different scents. I know when something smells pleasant and when something smells yucky. It’s sort of sad when I think about it that I only place scents into two categories. I know I’m an awful person when it comes to my nose.

Scent and attraction was never an option for me. To fall in love with someone from their scent was so far fetched. But maybe its not so far fetched as I once thought.

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This is the second time I’ve been sniffed. I don’t mean in a subtle way that the person doesn’t realize. I mean the person really inhaled my essence to the point that it was both awkward and obvious.

I tend to maintain a proper body hygiene. So I shower at least once a day, wear deodorant and keep my skin moisturized. I wear perfume but on both of these occasions I wasn’t wearing any perfume.

The first time someone sniffed me I was in my junior year of college. I was taking the public bus with my friend to go to the mall. The dude sitting directly behind me leaned in and sniffed me. My friend was sitting beside me like what the fuck! I was honestly freaked out. Sort of felt like an invasion of my personal space. After a few blocks, the guy tapped me on the shoulder and decided to show me his collection. He had different insects enclosed in like a clear stone.

Let me find a picture….

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He was even telling me facts about the insect fossilized and everything. I could tell he was proud of his collection. This is the public bus I’m bound to meet weirdos so I didn’t think much on that situation. I dismissed that awkward encounter and thought that would probably never happen to me again. I guess I was wrong. Because I was sniffed again today.

Maybe I just encounter weird people…

I live 2mins away from the supermarket. So that’s my local spot to buy groceries. About 2-3 weeks ago I bumped into this guy that lives in my neighborhood. I lost my balance grabbing an item from the shelf and didn’t realize he was behind me and I fell back onto him. It was a bit embarrassing because he had to hold me up from almost falling on my ass. It was the first time we’ve actually had a conversation even though I’ve seen him around. It was a small chit-chat nothing too serious and I mainly apologized for crashing into him. Since that incident we’d occasionally smile or wave to acknowledge each other but we didn’t have another conversation until today…

Its been raining for most of the day but it had stopped in the afternoon. So I decided to walk to the supermarket because I was really craving junk food lol. Walking made me feel less guilty about eating the junk food I was buying. I bought the items and when I got outside the rain is pouring down☔️. I was a little upset because wet hair meant it would get frizzy and that means I would need to blow dry and flat iron. I didn’t even have my umbrella. But I had bought my bag of Cheetos so I wasn’t too upset that it was raining. While standing outside the supermarket, the same guy I bumped into a few weeks ago came out with a cart filled with groceries. We talked about the sucky weather and he asked if I wanted a ride. We stood there for over 5 mins and the rain showed no sign of mercy. So we both decided to make a dash to his car. He got more soaked than me because he had to put his groceries in the back but my hair was a little damp. Anyways once he got in the car, he hands me this rag he had in the glove compartment. I was being cheeky and asking if the rag was clean lol. He said he didn’t want me to get sick and turned on the heater for the car seats. In the middle of patting myself dry, he had a puzzled look on his face and said…

“you smell,  but I don’t know what you smell like”

I am flustered and start to sniff my pits asking if I smelt bad. He’s laughing and I’m feeling extremely body conscious. Apparently since the day I bumped into him he hasn’t been able to place my scent. I’m sitting in the car unable to find words for this awkward conversation. I made  the situation worse and said

“I’m not wearing any perfume, so I don’t know what you’re smelling”

Homeboy leans in and sniffs me.

I was so uncomfortable and its raining so I felt trapped in the car. He breaks the awkward 1minute of silence, which in my opinion felt like years and said,

“you smell like spring”

For some reason I just busted out laughing. I wasn’t sure if he was overly observant or a weirdo. But his confused reaction made me laugh. He likes the scent from my hair. It’s not a strong scent so I’m surprised he noticed. This conversation gets a position on my top awkward moments for 2016 lol. My laughter definitely eased the tension in the car. We got to my house and sat in the car and talked, waiting for the rain to ease up so I could run inside. He seemed normal-ish lol. But its so crazy that since that incident when I crashed into him that he’s wanted to talk to me. Crazy right?

Like is it possible to fall in love with someone’s scent? Is there such a thing as love at first sniff lol?

 

 

LIOG…Ahhhhh so stressed😰

It’s Monday and I am exhausted!

How are all my lovelies?😊 I’ve missed you guys. I know I am so behind on my blogs. I’ve been busssyyyyyy. I have deadlines to meet at work and it’s literally drawing away at my life force😩. My social life is currently at a halt while I’m struggling to maneuver through this busy period. I just need to either fast forward to the future when I’m rolling in cash or take me back to pre-k.

Has someone built a time machine yet???

I’d like to be teleported to the first grade please. I miss the juice boxes and nap time.  Now that I’m single I have all this pent-up stress. I might need to revise my decision on open relationships. Sex really improves one’s health. Lowers my blood pressure and relieves stress. Both that are significantly high. I literally can’t wait  for summer to bask in the beautiful sunshine and drink a cold beer.

Well I wont go on a long rant. I just wanted to say CONGRATULATION TO ALL MY COLLEGE GRADUATES!!!!!!  🎊🎉🎉

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You did it!😁 Your journey has just begun as I welcome you to the working world. Trust me, you will wish that you were still in college. You’ll learn how shitty the job market is, so if you’ve got an innovative idea, then go be an entrepreneur and become your own boss. I have first hand experience on how difficult it is to find a job and the stress to start paying off student loans. Don’t be discouraged and stay optimistic. Send out those resumes, take advantage of networking opportunities and always give a 110% on all your interviews. My only advice is not to have tunnel vision. I know it can be discouraging to go to college and spend all this money and get a business degree or science degree and can’t work within your field or dream job. But try and broaden your horizons. Take hold of other opportunities that come knocking and don’t close them off because it’s not something you wanted to do. You never know where that  new venture will take you.  

😘

LIOG…Mom❤️,Food🍲 & Snapchat👻

Firstly I want to say Happy Mother’s Day to all my beautiful followers and readers that are moms. 💐💐 I hope you were pampered and taken care of today. You deserve it!

A Mother’s Love for her child is like nothing else in the world.

It Knows No Law,

No Pity,

It Dares All Things And Crushes Down Remorselessly All That Stands In Its Path

-Agatha Christie

 

 

Today I had brunch with my mom.


The food was sooo yummy. I got a crabwich and it was delicious ! I swear my fat ass could eat another one right now. It was so nice and sunny outside.  The perfect day to spend chilling with my mom. Of course my mom refused to end the day peacefully because she managed to piss me off. She couldn’t help but remind me that my ovaries are on the verge of death and she wants grand babies. Sigh. I still love her though.

This won’t be a long post because  I’m extremely exhausted. I know I promised to share another baked recipe but that’s not happening tonight. So if you want to know how to make chewy oatmeal raisin cookies watch out for that posting tomorrow. Annnnd I’m finally adding my snapchat in “Let’s Chat”. So if you want to watch my retarded snaps then add me.

I promised to be on the ball for summer. But my schedule is looking so jammed pack. But I’ll try not to slack off.

LIOG…inspire✨

Today I want to challenge all my beautiful followers and readers to go out and be an inspiration to others.

Don’t think….

“who I am I to inspire anyone?”

OR

“I’m not perfect”

Because sometimes just being yourself can inspire others to be brave enough to be themselves too😊.

(😘)